What if the Red Sox Didn’t Trade Kevin Youkilis to the White Sox, But Actually Sent His Evil Twin?
Red Sox Youkilis:
White Sox Youkilis:
Not only did Youkilis change from a hero’s primary colors to a villain’s nefarious black and whites, but he gave up the goatee for a truly terrifying mustache.
I’m not saying that the Red Sox subverted Major League rules by trading an evil twin to the White Sox, but I’m not not saying that either, if you catch my drift.
Hard News Delivered Softly
Dusty Baker was asked, point blank, if Joey Votto would return this weekend. Cuddly bear that he is, Baker replied:
“Oh, hell no. What weekend? You’ve still got to run. He just started playing a little first base.”
Which, yeah, does answer the question. However, I like to imagine that there was quite a conversation between the INTERVIEWER and DUSTY BAKER.
INTERVIEWER: Will Joey Votto be back this weekend?
DUSTY BAKER: Oh, hell no.
I: Makes sense. What with the surgery and all. Hey, my band’s playing a weekend in September if you want to catch us. We’re like roots rock with a nice smooth jazz influence.
DB: What weekend?
I: I’ll have to get that for you, can’t remember. Hey, do you think I should walk in the upcoming marathon?
DB: You’ve still got to run.
I: Yeah, guess I’ll have to skip it until my knees get better. Back to the topic on hand, what has Joey Votto been up to?
DB: He just started playing a little first base.
I: Great, thanks, Dusty.
The Best Dive of the Night
I just witnessed the greatest thing ever to happen
The Giants are getting pounded by the Nationals in DC, and no that isn’t the awesome part. Although it is good to see the franchise have success, but this isn’t about my irrational love for the Expos.
In some ballparks (maybe even most) players on the home team have walk-up music that plays when they come up to bat. Michael Morse of the Nationals has Take On Me by A-Ha as his.
Taaaaaaaaaaake oooooooooon meeeeeeeeee (take on me)
Taaaaaaaaaaake meeeeeeeeee ooooooooooon (take on me)
*cue 20,000 fans*
Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii’ll beeeeeeeeee goooooooooooooone
In a day oooor TWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
And they fucking NAILED the falsetto note. It was beautiful and I wanted to cry. One girl was especially into it behind home plate and I wanted to give her a ginormous high five for being awesome.
Other Activities Catchers Have to Earn the Privilege To Do
On Wednesday night, Russell Martin told the world that umpire Laz Diaz wouldn’t let him throw the ball back to the pitcher because he hadn’t “earned the privilege.” While a lot of people got upset, what they didn’t realize is that there are actually a large variety of responsibilities that catchers have to “earn” from the umpire before doing them on their own.
- Calling pitches.
- Setting the defense.
- Talking to pitchers.
- Blocking pitches.
- Taking bathroom breaks.
- Using a cell phone.
- Having a TV in the bedroom.
- Owning a puppy.
- Staying up to see the ball drop on New Year’s Eve.
- Kissing girls and/or boys.
- Cashing a paycheck.
- Watching scary movies.
- Drinking alcohol.
- Sitting at the adults table on Thanksgiving.
While Laz Diaz was unavailable for comment, an inside source said that “if Martin keeps his room clean, he’ll be allowed to go to the mall with his friends on Friday night.”